~ Kade's pov ~ I have never felt so anxious in my life before, so scared of the unknown, so terrified of someone else's words. Words that can change you, break you, tear you apart. This kind of fear was crippling. I can't seem to hear voices, the words going around me. I'm aware of mouths moving. I'm aware that something important was being said. Something I should listen to. And when my eyes shift from the doctor currently speaking to Mrs. Cross I knew that whatever was being said, wasn't good. I could see the pain in both their eyes, gleaming so strongly that I was nearly tempted to look away. Then Mrs. Cross's hand lift to her mouth in a gasp and I just knew the doctor had delivered the worst news ever. And perhaps it was that which prompted my ears to work again, to get the information I needed. Information I was sure would rip my soul. " She might need a few days or months to cope with the loss of the fetus. Miscarriage is not an easy road to emotional recovery. She's young and she needs everyone who cares for her right now." Those words, I was right. They ripped my soul into pieces. Had I forgotten how to breathe? Because I couldn't seem to catch air into my lungs. My heart, the organ felt like a hammer was continuously slamming on it brutally. "I will speak to her first to let her know what has happened. When I am done you will be allowed to see her. She is free to go home when you will be done comforting her." With those last words, the doctor turns around and walks into the room. "Oh God, my poor baby." Mrs. Cross cried out, turning in her husband's arms to burry her entire face in his chest. Her painful sob made me feel like shit and I find myself stumbling back until I sit down on the chair. I stared at my hands in disbelief. Feeling disgusted with myself. Feeling awful for doing this to her. The pain she must have felt. The pain she still feels now. I lift my head to stare at the Cross's, completely ashamed that I was still in their presence. I didn't deserve to be so close to them. "Why her? Why is she the one who has to go through this? My sweet innocent little girl." Mrs. Cross cried while her husband rocked her. He kissed her head, breathing in deeply and then let out words of comfort to his wife. His eyes were red and when he blinked, the visible tears in his eyes trailed down. " I'm so sorry man." The words came from Colby whose voice had changed. He sounded like someone whose voice had gone through a lot. And when I swept my gaze to his, I felt like I had just been punched in the heart. I caused so much pain today. So much pain. " I don't deserve it," I croaked out in a barely there whisper. I wasn't sure what I answered for, if I didn't deserve his sorry or if I didn't deserve the way Mia love me. I think it was for both honestly. I didn't deserve both. My heart feel like it was being torn in two. I bit my tongue brutally until I could taste the metallic in my mouth. The pain was little compared to what Mia must have felt. It feels like an eternity until the doctor shows her face again, this time she looks at us all in sympathy. The look alone makes me feel even worst. Mrs. Cross pulls away from her husband's shirt when she hears the door opening. "You all can go in or take turns. She needs comforting now. Please be gentle with your words at this time, right now she is grieving the loss of a life she could have called her baby." She says sadly and leaves. She's grieving. She's grieving. The loss of life that could have been our baby. A life we could have hold and care for. A life with Mia. My stomach knotted and my heart sped. I truly hadn't deserved her. Such a beautiful girl now tainted by my dirty hands. "Kade?" "Kade?" I am zapped out of my thoughts when I feel an elbow nudging on my arm and the voice of Mia's mom. I lift my gaze to hers, feeling disgusted with myself that I had the nerve to stare at her after all that I have done. To her family, to Mia.... I was truly a bastard. "Yeah?" I whispered and I'm unable to recognize my own voice. It was so timid, so lost, so hopeless, so pained, so soft. "Do you want to go and see her first? To talk to her alone?" She asked. She was being polite. I could see it in her eyes, she wanted to see her daughter right now. My tongue felt weighed down as I rip my eyes from her to stare at the door. Just behind that door would be my girlfriend. The love of my life. The girl I would love forever. But the girl I had also just ruined. I shook my head. I couldn't face her now. I couldn't watch the hate in her eyes when she stares at me. I couldn't bear it. Not now. Not yet. "No." I managed to whisper, barely. "She'll be happy to see you first. She needs you first." I croaked out. She didn't need me. I had ruined her life. I fisted my hands on my knees when she nods and walks into the room followed by her oddly quiet husband. "You okay man?" I turn to Colby slightly and noticed his eyes were on my fisted hands. I unclenched them and looked away. "Will I ever find peace after just finding out I had ruined such a beautiful innocent girl's life just because I was selfish and couldn't fathom the thought of her with anyone else other than me? Will I ever be okay after today? The answer is no Colby. An evil person will never find peace, will never be okay and I have proved today that I am an evil person." It was silent for a while until Colby responded. "You know it's not your fault she miscarried, nor is it her fault? Things happen Kade, well......Brianna happened- I clenched my fist again and steeled my jaw until it hurt. That fucking name. I despise it with a passion. I loathed it hotly. " I don't think it's fair to blame yourself for things that were out of your control- I managed a low snort. "Out of my control? You're right, I couldn't control my desire for her and impregnated her. So of course this still wraps around me and my selfish craving for her. Now, look what I've caused. There's nothing you can say that will make me see this differently. "Colby sighs but remains silent. He must have sensed the truth in my words and realized that I was right, there was nothing he could say now that will change my mind. Nothing would make me see myself in a better light. It feels like an eternity until the door opens again and on their own, my eyes lift to connect with the saddened gaze of Mr. and Mrs. Cross. They looked practically wrenched apart. I swallowed. "You can go in now Kade," She whispers, removing her gaze from mine. My heart pounds against my chest. My hands trembled and I quickly look over at Colby. "You should go before me," I told him lowly. " I don't think she'll want to see me- Suddenly I'm being forced to rise to my feet by a hand clutching my shirt. I stared at Mr. Cross's angry face in startlement. "Haiden!" Mrs. Cross yapped in shock. Mr. Cross's face drops until his blazing eyes of anger are lined with my own. "Listen closely Kade," He began to seethe, pulling the shirt forward which forced me to go forward as well. I don't make any move to rip myself out of his grip. In fact, I'd welcome a punch or two. I did deserve it after all. "You will not let down my daughter. Do you hear me?!" He growled. " She needs you now and the last thing she needs right now is a wimp who can't even face her. Be strong for her now Kade, don't let her fall." He pushes me away and storms off. Mrs. Cross looked at me apologetically and quickly runs after her husband. He was right, I should man up and face her. I had to. Holding my breath I walked towards the door, my hand shaking as I pried it open. When I entered fully and closed the door behind me, my eyes fell on her figure and my heart fell.