MALACHI This is how it’s always been. From the moment we became a family, and every step of the way since then, Ronan has been there—at the forefront, bearing and carrying all the hard and difficult emotions, making all choices none of us dare to make. It tears me apart to put this on him, but it…it is what it is. I had told myself I became better at hiding things. For all he’s done, it wouldn’t kill me to give him one less thing to worry about. Still, looking at Jaxon, helpless and unconscious, hits me harder than I expect. Ronan is the only person who can listen, who can understand. I pull away from him, unable to look my older brother in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just…” His warm hand squeezes my shoulder gently, urging me to look up at him. And I do. Ronan offers me a sweet smile, one that has me breaking into short bits of laughter as I shake my head. “Don’t ever apologize for feeling. It’s one of the few things left of humanity in us.” “How do you do it though?” I ask him. “How do you hold us all up?” “What? Besides the fact that I’m three years your senior and seven years Jaxon’s?” I roll my eyes. Trust Ronan to bring the age thing up again. It’s been so long since I heard him say it though. I’ve missed this side of him: the corky older brother side. We’ve been more business partners than anything else for years. But this…it feels like everything has changed. He laughs. The full, hearty sound of his laughter makes me smile again. “If I’m being honest, it’s your trust and loyalty that gives me strength. And I…” “Sarah!” The scream that comes from the corridor steals the air from my lungs. Ronan’s face is pale, as white as snow. Whatever fears I have, he shares the same. “What the fuck is going on?” I mutter, hurrying to the door of Jaxon’s room with my heart in my hands. Has something happened to Sarah? Kevin pushes the door of Sarah’s room open. His eyes are bloodshot red, swollen at the bottom. It’s no secret he’s been crying for as long as he’s been here, even before. But this time, it’s not just sadness. There’s fear in his eyes. A very communicable disease my heart catches immediately. “Doctor! Someone, help!” Ronan steps out of the room and rushes into the corridor, searching for any rooms a nurse might be. I can’t move, I don’t move. The door of Sarah’s room is open, and all I can do is stare into it. There’s nothing but the edge of her bed in sight. Something buried deep inside of me wants to walk forward, to look at her just once. What if I never get the chance again? I can do it. I can put myself away and push forward, for her. I take one step forward. She would want me to be by her side. “I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU.” The words hit me hard, like I’ve been shot by a gun I can’t see. It paralyzes me, renders me completely useless. Who the fuck am I fooling? She wouldn’t want me by her side? I’m the last person she wants to look at. Footsteps, so many of them, cause me to tear my gaze away from her door. I shamelessly welcome the distraction. Ronan runs towards the door with three nurses and a doctor who immediately enter the room. “We’ll have to ask that you wait here.” A nurse says, holding her arms out to stop Ronan and Kevin from entering. “What are you talking about? That’s my sister!” Kevin screams at the top of his voice, but the lady doesn’t budge. “I don’t know what’s happening,” his voice is broken as he turns to Ronan who holds him by his right elbow. “She was fine. Then all these beeping sounds, and there was blood…I don’t know…what’s…” “She’s bleeding. She has to be taken to the ICU.” My eyes widen. ICU? The nurse at the door narrows her eyes on my brother and best friend. “You need to leave.” Kevin insists, but Ronan soon manages to pull him away from Sarah’s room, and into Jaxon’s. We help him settle into the three seater sofa, with me by his right and Ronan at his left. “I don’t understand why any of this is happening,” He mutters with his face buried into his palms. “I feel like this is all my fault. I pushed her away. I was too hard on her, and I pushed her away.” “You don’t have to blame yourself for anything, Kev. If anyone is at fault, it’s us.” I say it with conviction because it is the truth. We’re the real monsters for loving someone as pure as her and bringing her into our dark world. His lips press tight as he shakes his head. “She lied to me, Mal,” his eyes meet mine. “Berry has never lied to me about anything. But I gave her a reason to. I don’t know why I did that. I had my feelings, you know, about the four of you. From the moment she told me she was going on that trip with you three, something in my gut told me. I knew. But I didn’t…” he stops and sucks in a deep breath. His shoulders slump as he drops his gaze to the tiled floor. “She’s my baby sister. Little berry. You guys remember, don’t you?” “As clear as day,” Ronan responds. “Somehow, she was the only one who could get you to smile back then. You were extroverted only around her. She was just a baby, but she was your whole world.” “And it didn’t take long for her to become ours as well.” I add. I still recall, very fondly, the summer I met Sarah for the first time. She had come home with Ronan and Kevin. They were both in junior year at college, while I was in senior year at highschool. Jaxon was in 8th grade, and she was a year below him. We never thought that much about her. She and Jaxon always got into fights. I would be forced to separate because Ronan was always away working for uncle Abel. It was the only way we could get him to pay for our tuition—if we earned our keep. To be frank, we never thought much about any woman then. We were just boys desperate to make a mark in the world with our uncle’s help. Together, we grew as a family. We were, after all, united by the same trauma. We had both lost our parents. Sarah had always been special to us, we just didn’t know to what extent, until she arrived at her college graduation party with Aaron. We knew right off the bat that the fucker didn’t deserve her. Not while he was checking out every girl in the fucking party. “When did you realize that you loved her?” Kevin asks. There’s no way to tell if he’s asking me or Ronan, or both of us. I’m not certain my timing is the same with any of my brothers. “It was quite early for me.” Ronan says. “I believe I always did, the intensity just changed over the years.”For me, it was the moment I wanted to cut Aaron’s tongue off for making her moan so sweetly. Yes. We had been condemned to listen to her make out with Aaron one Christmas holiday, with her room just next to ours. She sounded so soft, like a kitten. The nickname stuck after that. Not that I can tell that to Kevin. It’s bad enough he has to stomach the thought of Sarah being…taken by three of us, at once. His tired sigh pulls me back to the present. “I can’t survive without her, guys.” Ronan grips his shoulder more firmly, while I palm his right knee. “None of us can.” I breathe out. We’re there, in that particular moment and until my phone vibrates in my pocket. I reach for it and frown at the screen. “It’s uncle.” Ronan sits up. “Answer it.” I swipe the green icon sideways, and put the phone on speaker. “Uncle?” “You boys might want to get down here right now.” I narrow my eyes on him. “What happened?” “More like what’s about to happen. Just get down here as soon as you can. Right now won’t be a bad idea either.” I look at Ronan, he approves with a nod. Kevin does the same. “We’ll be right there.” I end the call and tuck my phone safely in my pocket. Kevin’s jaw clenches as he stares at me. “You two should go. I want to see that bastard’s head rolling on the floor when you’re done with him.”