RONAN It’s a long and almost endless drive to the hospital. The distance manages to frighten me. I keep on wondering, asking myself how Sarah and Jaxon would have survived the long road to help. The ambulance would have moved faster, wouldn’t it? I’m not certain it’ll make much of a difference, but I try to tell myself that it would. Neither Malachi nor Jaxon have called with any bad news yet, that should be a good sign. However, there hasn’t been any good news either. “We’re here, sir.” Finally. I look up at the grand hospital building ahead of us. Without a word, I push the door open and step out of the car. The second my right foot touches the ground, my heart begins to pound brutally against the walls of my chest, like fists on a door. Ignore it, push it down. Everything is going to be just fine. We’re going to get through this just like we’ve gotten through everything else. I repeat those sentences to myself every step of the way: into the hospital, into the elevator, and all the way up to the VVIP floor that holds my brother and the woman we love. Sarah’s room is beside Jaxon’s. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I can’t look at her. The guilt in my chest threatens to eat me from inside out. I don’t deserve her, and I know it. Even if she’s awake, I’m the last person on this earth she wants to see. The least I can do is keep my distance, she deserves that much. So, I zero my gaze on Jaxon’s door and force myself to pretend the door on the left doesn’t exist. It hurts like a fucking bitch. But I deserve it. I deserve all the pain her absence will cost me. Jaxon’s room is coated in sky blue paint. It’s his favorite color—denim and everything else. There are all these strange rubber tubes attached to him. It’s odd to look at. I’ve never, not even once, had to look at anyone I care about on a hospital bed before. Malachi is wide awake, seated on a pale cream couch at the left end of the room, staring into space. I wonder what he’s thinking. Do we share the same worries, the same fears? Did he stop by Sarah’s door and walk away because he was too ashamed to show his face in front of her? The questions continue to echo in my mind as I settle the empty space on his right. He doesn’t look at me, not even a glance to acknowledge my presence. I want to tell myself he’s probably lost in thoughts and can’t see me. However, the silence between the both of us is too loud to ignore. “Where is Kevin?” Stupid question, I know. That's all I can do to break the ice. “With Sarah.” Two words without turning to me, and no move to tell me I asked a stupid question. Something is definitely wrong. Is he really going to make me ask? “What did the doctors say?” He sucks in a deep breath. “His blood pressure dropped too low, it sent his body into shock. He also had concussions from the several blows to his head. Only, they weren’t blows, which you and I already know. They say he’ll be fine.” I nod quietly, but I can feel it. My brother isn’t nearly done yet. Stretching my legs out, I let myself sink further into the soft leather couch. I’m going to need something soft to brace me for the impact of what’s about to come. Malachi barely talks, but when he does… “Alright, go ahead.” “What?” “Say it. What’s on your mind?” He shakes his head in stubborn motions. “No.” I raise a brow. “Mal.” A bitter scoff escapes his lips. “You don’t want that smoke, Ronan. Trust me.” This time, I can’t help but frown at him. It’s one thing to actively tell yourself the elephant in the room doesn’t exist, but to shut me out like this? That, I won’t accept. “So what?” I sit up and face him. “You’re just going to stay quiet?” He shrugs his shoulders carelessly. “It’s worked for the past fifteen years, hasn’t it?” Now, it’s my turn to chuckle. “So that’s it? You wanted to call the shots?” Malachi finally snaps. When he looks at me, it’s with disbelief in those deep grey eyes of his. “Jesus Christ, Ronan. Get out of your ass for a fucking second.” “Just fucking talk to me, god damn it!” “Fine!” He slaps his palms against his knees and springs to his feet. “You want me to talk? I’ll fucking talk.” He points to Jaxon with a shaky hand. “Look at him.” I can’t. I want to turn my head, but I fucking can’t. “Fucking look at him, Ronan!” Malachi’s scream is enough to tilt my neck sideways. There he is, unconscious on the bed. Our sweet, little Jaxon. It feels like yesterday mother brought him home. How old was he again? Three? Four? A white bandage hugged his skull. And the bruises all over his face had been covered. This was the best case scenario, and I let him go knowing the dangers it would cause. “I…I have no excuse, Malachi. He wanted to, he said…” “I don’t give a damn what he said, Ro. You should have known better than to send him off to Luke on his own. He’s…he’s our responsibility.” “And so are you.” “This isn’t about me!” He yells. I stay silent, watching him take deep breaths in and out. “You and I, we’re not like Jaxon, and you know it. Jax…he’s always been…” He stops speaking, and I can tell—strictly from the look on his face, that he’s searching for the right word. “Special?” I cut in. “Different.” He counters. A small smile creeps into my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Mal. I shouldn’t have listened to him.” “You should know,” he says, frowning. “That if anything had happened to him, I would have walked out and never returned.” His words feel like a knife to the heart. I don’t let myself so much as flinch. “I know. I should have known better.” “And Sarah?” He throws his hands into the air. “Jesus. This is all so messed up.” Rising to my feet, I move closer to him. “I’m here, Mal.” I speak softly, tenderly. He’s all I’ve got. Both of them are all I’ve truly got in this world. “You don’t have to be so numb anymore.” Stubborn Malachi shakes his head, fighting his tears as he folds his arms across his chest. “It’s too much, Ronan.” Oh God. He’s broken. I have…I have to fix it. I need to fix us, all of us. My eyes start to water, but I blink hard. What good am I if I can’t pull myself together? “I can take it.” I smile at him, spreading my arms apart. Come to big brother. Let me have all of it. All the pain, the anger, the frustration, the fear and uncertainty. I’ll carry it all like I always do, like I should have all those years ago. Without another word, Malachi crashes into me, pressing his head into my shoulder as he cries out. “I’m here, Mal. I’ll always be here.” I tilt my head upwards, letting my eyes swallow the stubborn stray tear.