Camile I do not know how long I have been sleeping. Puabi held me after she managed to get me to eat a bit of bread. The pain in my gut subsided but the aching in my heart remained. I wonder if Amy is worried about me. Will she take care of the cats? Will she find someone else to love? These thoughts brought more tears to my eyes and I cried even harder. The grief was becoming worse than my earlier hunger pains. I had cried so much that everything Puabi managed to get me to eat came back up. I had managed long enough to calm my breathing and started to clean up my mess. I heard a door open and close, wiping away my tears. I looked up long enough to see Puabi heading towards me. Swiftly gliding over to me, “It would do you best to forget your old life and accept your new reality.” Puabi’s tone was cold and cruel. What happened to the kind female that held me while I sobbed violently before? Her words stung like a hornet. I buried my face in my hands and shook as another wave of sorrow hit me. “What is his name?” Puabi was behind me pulling my hair to the back away from my face. “She!” I managed to get out. “I had to keep it a secret, my father would have fired me and disowned me because of her.” The dam was broken, tears and words came out in a rush. “I was saving every penny for us to leave and start a new life. I was ready to give up everything for her.” Puabi stroked my head, “if you are to survive, you will have to learn never to show your emotions.” She continued to stroke my head, “emotions are weakness here. If your enemy finds out, they will use that to their advantage. And now, you are very vulnerable.” “Why are you being so kind to me?” I looked up at her with swollen eyes.“I was like you once, and what you need now is an ally. As long as you are awarded to me, I will show you how to survive the inevitable. First we have work to do. I have to get you ready for the Masters viewing. His expectations are high and there can not be any flaws.” Puabi stood up, “follow me, we will get you bathed and dressed.” “And then what?” I tried not to cry. “Remember this, head down, do as you are told, speak only when spoken to. I can not show any weakness or show favouritism. I would prefer not to punish you. I find you very appling, there is something about you that makes you different from everyone here.” Puabi kissed my forehead gently, “I can not show weakness past this door, I would hate to do what is expected of me if you step out of line.” She brought our lips together, slipping her tongue into my mouth. For a second I forgot how I was feeling as a surge of warmth spread over my body, bringing me to relax into this female's arms. She was not my Amy, and part of me felt bad for dishonouring her memory but this felt right. Puabi released our hold and stood up reaching her hand out to me, I stood up looking down at the mess, and Puabi realized what I was looking at, “Leave it, I will have someone coming to clean it up.” Puabi was getting ready to open the door, “Remember Camile everything past this door is my duty to train you. I can not keep you from the inevitable, but I can show you how to survive. The same way I learned!” I bobbed my head up and down understanding what was expected of me. I have no idea where we are going, I am fixated on the throbbing in my chest. The further we were the more pain I was feeling. I was conflicted with the loss of Amy and the energy I felt when Puabi touched me. I thought I would never feel this kind of pain ever again once I found Amy. “What was her name?” Puabi asked as she opened the door. “Amy!” I whispered. “We are not that much different, you and I. The Master took me as payment for my father’s sin. He killed my family and members. Among them was my lover, Zilvolin. I thought I could never love another! After what the Master did, I never dared too!” Puabi motioned for me to follow her after she had studied whatever was in the room. “My father killed the Master's first and only wife!”“Oh dear, that's so …” I covered my hands over my mouth. “It was a very long time ago!” Puabi led me to a pool of water and directed me into the hot water. “Not long after that, my father’s head was presented to me on a plate. The Master made it very clear that if I disobeyed him, I would end up like my father. After that he made me walk past all of the people that lived in my father’s home. I was to name all of the people he had cut the heads off of.” Puabi directed me into the water. For the longest time, she did not say a word. I just sat there while she washed my hair and body. I enjoyed the tingling sensation each time Puabi touched my body. I wondered if she felt it too! “When I came to my lover I dropped to my knees.” Puabi continued as she rinsed the soap out of my hair. “The Master killed my lover, she was my best friend, ally, my soul mate. That was the day I died and the day I was reborn.” A tear trickled down my face as I thought of the pain she endured. “Do you think of her often?” I whispered “At the beginning, she was all I could think of. Now, no, I haven’t! She was killed and I learned my place and have never tried to be anything else but what I am. This is my nature and I have embraced it! The point is, if you continue on this path that you have chosen, you will only find more pain. Acknowledge the issue, deal with it and get over it fast. It is the only way. And if you think death will be your saviour, think again! The Master will not allow it. Believe me I know first hand. Punishing yourself will not aid anything but give the Master ideas to increase the torture and yet you will still be alive.” Puabi motioned for me to get out of the water once I was cleaned. Puabi motioned her fingers through my hair, “Your hair has to go!” I placed my hand on my head, “No please do not Amy loved my hair!” “More reasons to shave your hair off. This transformation will be your death. Once I am done, you will be reborn. The pain of your loss will take time, but once your training is completed, you will no longer feel the pain. Your purpose … your job will be the only thing you will think of!” Puabi whispered into my ear. I know Puabi was speaking from her personal experience, but she was not me. How could she understand my pain from the past and the present? Puabi made me look in the mirror of the vanity as she started to cut my hair off, chunk by chunk. I let the tears fall down my face as I did not sob once. With each strand of hair that was cut off, I found myself going further into the darkness until I could see no more. I was numb! I could hear Puabi talking to me, but could not respond. I was trapped in my shell of depression. Puabi was taking a blade and shaving off the remaining bits of my hair. I know she was explaining the process of what she was doing. I know I was still breathing, my chest was rising and falling. I could see that Puabi was putting something on my skin to give it a glow, the old me would have loved how shiny my skin looked, but at this point, I could careless. I just glared forward, even when other females entered the bathing room I did not respond nor lowered my head as I had been instructed. When Puabi struck me across the face, my head moved to the left. I did not feel the sting as I should have. I did not even move my head back to the way I had been. It was Puabi who had lowered my head downwards. I was a doll that the handler had to move the parts to. I was nothing! I was dressed and guided back to the female’s quarters. I was placed back on the bed of blankets and left there. Puabi said something that sounded like an order or maybe she was telling me what was going to happen next. I do not know! What I do know is that the only part of me that was moving was my heart, lungs and chest. Females walked past me, some even tried to engage in conversation with me. I glanced up at them and then went back to the darkness at the bottom of my soul. At one point I heard someone mention that I had it bad. I am not sure what they meant by that. I guess I will find out later when I find the light again.