Chapter 30 It Was A Mistake The drive back home was thick with silence. Not the kind of silence that meant peace. The kind that wrapped around your neck and squeezed. The rain had softened to a mere drizzle by the time we reached the house, but it felt like the storm was still raging inside me. Roman’s grip on the wheel was tight, knuckles white, like he was holding onto something that could shatter at any second. My fingers picked at the ripped sides of my dress, still rumpled from what we did. We hadn’t spoken since the food discussion earlier. There was too much that was unsaid, too much to process. I didn’t know how to look at him after everything that happened. My body remembers. My mind is still caught between the pleasure and the guilt. But as we pulled into the driveway, I saw the lights on in the living room through the windows and knew instantly that someone was awake. Great. I spotted Dad's car and mom's too in the driveway. But not Dean's. Roman circled the car and held the door open for me. I mouthed a silent thank you, avoiding his eyes and walked briskly towards the front door while he just stood beside the car door, no doubt watching my retreating back. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to look at him without seeing images I tried so hard to suppress. Didn't know how not to melt under his gaze and beg him to take me again. How not to beg my best friend to take me again. What were we thinking? We crossed a line we can't uncross. I crossed it. And now I can't even look him in the eye without remembering the way he filled me like I belonged to him. So I did what Savannah always does best when confronted with a situation she didn’t know how to handle. I ran. Lizzie was still awake, curled up on the couch under a thick blanket, eyes glued to the TV screen. She was watching a horror movie, her face scrunched in fear. She always did that—watching something she was too scared to handle just to prove she could.She was wide-eyed but pretending to be brave. Her legs were tucked beneath her, a bowl of half-eaten popcorn cradled in her lap. "You know you're scared," I said softly, walking toward her. She turned at the sound of my step and smiled. “Hey, you're back.” “Hey,” I whispered, managing a weak smile. “You okay?” She nodded. “It’s the creepy clown again. I’m not scared.” “Right,” I said softly, “you’re fearless.” "Yep. I'm building resistance," she replied without looking at me. A sharp scream came from someone in the movie and Lizzie jumped, almost knocking down her bowl of popcorn. “Do you always like to put yourself through this?” I plopped down beside her on the couch. She made space for me, fixing her glasses at the top of her nose. “I like to face my fears. It makes it easier to overcome.” I pondered over her words deeply. Strangely, it made so much sense to me now even though I've probably heard that a couple of times. In a way, we were alike. Lizzie and me. We were in the same situation. But the difference is that while I was running from Roman like he was the Grim Reaper, she was awake in the middle of the night, alone, watching something that terrified her. I felt like a coward even though I was the older one between us. Roman opened the front door and walked in, his posture rigid. His eyes found mine immediately and he clenched his jaw tightly. I sucked in a breath and looked away, not wanting to fall under that spell. Lizzie turned. Her eyes flitted to Roman, then to me, then back to Roman, before stopping on me. When she squinted comically at me as if I was under a microscope, I shifted uncomfortably. Something in her expression shifted, like she could feel it too—that something was different. Her gaze lingered on me for a beat too long before she turned back to the screen. “You're not asleep yet?” Roman asked her. She shook her head, “Nah, just rounding this up. Pennywise thinks he can scare me? Ha, he needs to think again.” Roman chuckled. “That's the spirit.” His eyes locked on mine, quiet and unreadable. I thought he might say something, maybe call me out, call me close, call me anything… but he just stood there, silent and staring like he didn't know what to say either. I shifted again, pulling my dress down a little more, feeling naked beneath his piercing gaze. I figured Lizzie could decipher what went down earlier. The tension was too choking for her not to notice. He raised his phone, “Do you still want the waffles? I'll place an order.” I nodded, “Yes please.” He nodded before climbing the stairs, his phone stuck to his ear. I struggled to tear my eyes away from him. She cleared her throat beside me, now facing me completely. “Spill.” Her tone was teasing, but something flickered in her eyes, like she could see all the cracks I was trying to hold together. I turned, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Spill what?” She gave me a duh look, “I'm not blind and I'm not a virgin. I know shit went down. It's literally written all over you. But I'm confused on why you're acting like something's wrong…” She pauses. Then suddenly grabs my left hand. “Oh, thank God. It's still on.” She exhales upon seeing my engagement ring. Roman's engagement ring. I stare down at the thing that I've strangely gotten used to having on me. Sometimes I forget it's even there. But now, it suddenly feels heavy, like a pile of rocks. “Look, Sav, I don't know what's going on but running fixes nothing. Nothing at all. Trust me.” “I know.” I swallowed. “Roman's pretty chill and that's a good sign. He's not running from anything. Not from Chloe and definitely not from Dean.” She added, “We are Harts, Sav. We don't run from chaos.” I blinked, pulling back a little. “That sounds too serious, Lizzie. We're not preparing for battle.” “With Chloe, everything is a battle. I'm thinking of attending her wedding rehearsal with a dagger strapped to my thigh. Just in case.” She laughs. And strangely, I do too. It comes naturally. “Do you need a hug, Sav?” She asks with a sideways glance. I nod. She hugs me and I just let myself feel. “Damn, you reek of sex and your man.” She coughs dramatically, pulling away. “How hard did you guys go?” My face flames red as I rise, “Shut up.” She makes a zipping motion across her lips. “I didn't say anything.” I drag my bare feet across the floor, heels in hand, making my way to our bedroom as Lizzie squeals one more time, throwing the blanket over her face. I shake my head and push the door open. Roman is sitting at the desk, his phone in hand while the other hand types furiously on the keyboard. It suddenly feels strange being in the same room with him. I drop my shoes and turn away from him. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked gently. “No.” “Savannah.” “I said no, Roman.” He sighed, dropped his phone and closed his laptop. Then stood. I could feel his eyes on me. The weight of them. The way he was still standing behind me like he was fighting the urge to pull me in again. I took off the ruined dress, standing bare before him, not caring if he was watching. What's the point of hiding anymore? I walked to the dresser, picked up a shirt that wasn’t mine and tugged it over my head. It smelled like him. Everything smelled like him. “I shouldn’t have let it happen,” I whispered. Roman didn’t speak. The words fall out before I can stop them. Not because I believe them, but because it's easier than telling the truth. That I want him again. That a stupid part of me hasn't stopped wanting him. “It was a mistake.” He crossed the room in two long strides, grabbing my hand before I could step away again. “Stop.” “I can’t stop.” He stepped closer, his voice low, urgent. “Why do you keep running from what’s right in front of you?”