TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE. RONAN Growing up with two younger brothers often means less sleeping time than the rest of them. It’s always been my responsibility to take care of them, protect them. They’re grown men, but I would give my life away in a heartbeat if it means keeping them far from harm. Still, I did think I would get a fucking break—just like everyone else—during the few days we have to spend here. I was wrong. Malachi bursts into my room and taps my leg viciously, waking me up from sleep. My eyelids part, much to my disdain. There’s worry in his grey eyes, and his right hand is shaking terribly despite its firm grip on my ankle. I narrow my eyes on him as I sit up. Something is wrong. Malachi hasn’t been this worked up about anything in years. Ever since… I shake my head. I’m not going to think about it. “Good morning.” He greets, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “You’ll certainly think it’s a good morning. You’re not the one who has to entertain you so early in the morning.” Malachi doesn’t smile, and that’s how I know it’s serious, whatever is wrong with him. “Sit down.” It’s an order. One that he obeys without a second thought. He drops his gaze to my sheets, and I frown. Malachi also never avoids anyone’s eyes. It’s how he sees through people. Why this? Why now? My eyes search the lines etched on his face. “What is it?” I ask. He looks up at me. “It’s gone too far, Ronan.” His worry isn’t just on his face, but in his voice. I raise my right brow. “What is that?” “Everything with Sarah. This thing we have going on. It’s…” I shift towards him and place my right hand on his shoulder. His tense shoulders slowly melt under my touch. The worry in his eyes gently disappear, but he’s still not at ease. “I need you to stay calm, Malachi. I’m here, and I’m listening. But I cannot understand, or do anything about it if you do not make it clear to me. So take in a deep breath…” He breathes in. “…let it out.” He does so. I flash him a small smile. “Now, tell me what’s going on. Exactly what’s on your mind.” Our little breathing excercise brings the Malachi I know back to me. I can see it in his eyes that he’s ready and able to process his thoughts and communicate them to me…clearly. “I was working in the kitchen, and Sarah came up to me this morning. I think she might be having feelings…real feelings for us.” I chuckle lightly. “And that’s what making you panic?” His brows furrow at me. “You don’t see why we need to panic?” I plant my feet on the cold tile, standing on my feet. Now that I’m awake, I might as well start my day. It’s 7:30am. I know because the corner of my eye right catches the digital clock on my bedside drawer. I take slow steps towards the bathroom, and Malachi follows me behind. Is this fucker planning on watching me pee? I tilt my neck backwards to look at him, finally giving him an answer to his question. “No, I don’t. We care about her too, don’t we?” CARE is a better, lighter word for what I mean. But he gets the point. Turning my back to him, I do my toilet business, and head to the bathroom sink. I pick up my toothbrush, but my eyes continue to watch Malachi through the mirror. “We do. I do. But I’m not supposed to, okay? I’ve never deeply cared about any of the girls we’ve been with. But Sarah is…” “Different. Special.” I cut in. Just then, the sparkle in those grey eyes of his return, and it makes me smile. He sucks in a deep breath. “Yes, she is. And that’s the problem, Ronan. What if we hurt her? What if we can’t keep her happy? What if we make her miserable like…” he pauses and swallows hard. I know what he’s thinking, and I close my eyes, praying to whoever cares to listen that he doesn’t say it out loud. “…like dad made mom?” Fuck it. My toothbrush slips through my fingers, falling into the sink. I keep staring at the mirror, but Malachi is no longer in view. No. I see it all over again. Suddenly, I’m 22 again, coming home from the arcade with my brothers to find mom swinging from a rope attached to the ceiling. The kitchen stool lays on the floor beside her. It was kicked away. Malachi screams. Jaxon loses consciousness almost immediately. And I…I walk to her body. I have to cut her down. I have to call the police. I have to talk to the police while Malachi is shaking, and Jaxon is still unconscious. “…Ronan?” I swallow hard. A hand touches my shoulder, jolting me back to reality. “Ronan? Can you hear me?” I blink. Malachi appears behind me. I heard him, alright. My jaw hardens as I frown at him. “That is impossible,” I spit out. “We hate him too much to become him. We’ve worked hard, okay?” My hands grip the sink tighter than I want them too. I can’t help it. “We’ve worked too hard. Neither of us is, nor will ever be dad. We are better men than he ever was, or will ever be.” Malachi nods. I place both hands on his shoulders, urging him to look up at me. “Sarah is in good hands.” There’s still uncertainty in his eyes, but he trusts me. They both do. It’s the only reason we’ve been able to make it this big, this far. I smile and tuck both hands into the pocket of my shorts. “You know what? Why don’t we go to the beach today? It’ll be good for Sarah, and us.” He nods in agreement. “Yeah. Sure. That’s a…that’s a good idea.” I tap his right shoulder twice, then walk past him. “Get ready. I’ll go talk to Sarah.” When I stand in front of her door, I see her leaning against the glass sliding doors of her balcony. She’s in a grey kimono, with a black two piece underneath it. The wind blows freely past her face, causing her wild red hair to dance behind her. I could stand and watch her all day. It’s a good thing I don’t have the time. “Can I come in?” Sarah turns around, warm hazel eyes widen in shock. “Yeah!” Her voice comes out several pitches higher than she wanted it too. I can tell by the rest her cheeks turn tomato red after she calls me in. I walk towards her, wrap my hands around her waist, and press a kiss on her forehead. She lets out a gentle sigh. She was worried too, wasn’t she? “I heard Malachi got on your nerves.” She groans and rolls her eyes, folding her arms and pouting her lips in annoyance. Fuck. She’s so beautiful. “You all did. And what was that stuff on the plane?” My lips tilt into a smirk. My right hand pulls her closer, while my left crosses the small of her back. “We thought you’ll be into it.” She looks away from me, trying to hide her smile. When she bites her lower lip and shakes her head slowly, I hold myself back from seizing her chin and kissing her silly. “I was. But you guys should have apologized, regardless.” I lean into her right ear, whispering softly. “I thought we did.” She laughs as she throws her arms over my shoulders. It’s the second most beautiful sound I’ve heard all day, after her voice. “Does it always work for you guys?” I’m still smiling. “What?” “Fucking a woman’s brains out after you’ve annoyed her.”Peak sense of humor and a smart mouth. How could any man not…care about her? “I don’t know,” I reply. My hands grab her butt firmly, and her smile grows even wider. “You’re in the position to tell me.” She fakes a frown. “Tell you what?” “If it worked.” She rolls her eyes and laughs, while I pull her closer to me and lower my lips to her neck. One sniff, that’s all it takes to hold me hostage. She smells so good. A pure, fruity essence that drives me insane. I begin to press kisses all over her neck. Right, left, underneath her fucking jaw. Every god damned place my lips can reach beneath her lips, just to get a taste of her. “Ronan, God!” She continues laughing, holding me close. “Okay, okay, fine! Apology accepted! Gosh!” Only then do I pull away from her. Does she know how breathless she makes me? She makes us? “You should get ready soon. The cook would be here to make breakfast in about an hour, and then we’ll go to the beach. Is that alright?” She chuckled and bites her lip. Does it ever leave her bruised? She does it a lot, but it’s sexy every fucking time. “Okay. Sure.” I nod and turn away. “Ronan.” Pausing on my tracks, I make a small turn to look at her. Sarah walks up to me, tiptoes, and presses a small kiss on my lips. I swallow hard. Fuck. “See?” She’s beaming with smiles. She’s so bright. So beautiful. So innocent. So…different. Malachi’s words echo in my ears. WHAT IF WE MAKE HER MISERABLE? What if our darkness quenches her light? “That’s not so bad, is it?” Her voice pulls me out of my reverie, and I have to bring myself to speak. “No. No it’s not.” She’s happy, and that’s all I need.