Shining Through the Chaos with My Bulldog
Lisa's hand trembled as she cut away the flesh around her wound. The torn pieces of meat dropped onto the dirt, dark and wet. Joe pressed his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide as saucers. His small voice cracked with tears. "Mom ... " Lisa stared down at the blackened chunks on the ground. Then her eyes shifted to the deep gash in her arm. The bone showed pale beneath, and fresh red blood began to flow free. A hard breath left her chest. Relief struck her. The poison had not traveled far. Flesh was nothing. Flesh could be taken. Better that than losing an arm. Better that than dying where she stood. Joe's legs buckled. His body gave out, and he dropped to the ground with a thud. His whole frame shook from the horror. Lisa tore a strip from her shirt with sharp force. She wrapped it hard around her arm. Her voice snapped out, fierce. "Stop crying! Tie the knot for me. I can't do it with one hand." Joe scrambled to his feet, his cheeks streaked with tears. His hands trembled as he obeyed. He tied the cloth as tight as he could. When the bleeding slowed, Lisa dug into her hidden pocket. She pulled out a small pack of cigarettes. She yanked off her mask. She slipped one between her lips and lit it. Smoke filled her lungs on the first drag, rough and hot. She narrowed her eyes as she blew out a long, heavy cloud that mixed with the fog around them. It had been too long. The rush came hard and fast, spinning her head. Her chest rose heavy. She sucked on it again, deeper. The edges of her pain dulled. Her voice broke rough from her throat. "God, it hurts!"She smoked the stick down fast. It wasn't enough. She lit another and pulled in the smoke with hunger. Only then did she look at her son. Her voice was sharp, cutting. "Joe, you did terrible. What did I always teach you?" Joe rubbed his eyes and stayed silent. Lisa's eyes narrowed. "Stay ... " Joe's voice wavered. "Stay calm, even when the world itself around you is collapsing." Lisa scowled. She tapped ash to the ground. "This smoke is weak. If I had whiskey, I'd feel better." Her eyes fixed on him. "What does that mean?" Joe stammered. "It means ... when things get dangerous, you don't panic. You stay steady. You don't let fear control you." Lisa gave a firm nod. "You memorized it right." Her tone cut like a knife. "But you don't live it." Joe dropped his head low, staring at his shoes. His lips stayed shut. The cigarette burned to the filter. Lisa pulled one last drag, then flicked it away. She took another from the pack. She held it close, breathed in its smell, then tucked it back inside with care. Her lips curled bitter. "In this rotten world, a cigarette's worth gold." Her eyes lifted toward the distance. "When we take this place, I'll smoke eight packs a day." Joe's voice cracked. "Mom ... smoking's bad for you." Lisa lowered her gaze to him. Her voice softened. "You're right. Don't copy me, Joe."She tucked the pack back into the hidden pocket sewn inside her clothes. Joe had one too. Both of them used it to hide the things they needed. Joe's eyes kept drifting to her wounded arm. Blood seeped through the strip of cloth. Lisa caught him staring. She pointed to the black flesh on the dirt. "What did I say earlier?" Joe hesitated. "When ... when it's time ... " Lisa's brow furrowed. Her voice cut sharp. "When it's time to cut, you cut. You don't wait. You don't let chaos spread." She pulled her mask back on. Her eyes locked into his. "It means you act without fear. That's how you stay in control. Do you understand?" Joe nodded faintly. "Yeah." Lisa crouched, her body stiff with pain, but her eyes fierce. "That arrow was poisoned. If I hadn't cut the flesh, the poison would have spread through my arm. Or my whole body." Her voice hardened. "Tell me. Which is worse? Losing flesh, or losing an arm?" Joe's lips trembled. He fought the tears. "Losing an arm is worse." Lisa rose tall, her voice steady. "If I had wasted time, I'd have lost the arm. Or my life." Her eyes bore into him. "So what do you do when you face it?" Joe whispered back. "When it's time to cut, you cut. Be decisive." Lisa's eyes softened, proud. "Exactly. It's not only for wounds. It's for everything. People. Power. Survival. The rule stays the same. Do you get it?"Joe's answer came strong. "I get it." Lisa laid her hand on his head. Her voice turned warm. "Good boy." She turned away. "Let's keep moving." Joe's voice cracked as he begged, heavy with tears. "Mom, can't we just go back and rest? Can't we keep going tomorrow?"
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